I GAVE UP FOR A DAY

1. The Farter
Everybody farts, but come on. We’re a captive audience here! If you must fart, use the stall or the women’s restroom. (Image from Stock Photo Pro)


2. The Guy Who Pulls His Pants All The Way Down
Okay, I have to admit that I do this sometimes too, but I only do it to be funny. (Image from Stock Photo Pro)


3. The Peeker
Buddy, if you’re really itching to see a penis, go check out YouPorn. I’m trying to have a non-sexual experience here. (Image from Enlarged-ProstateFacts.com)


4. The Groaner/Extra-Shaker
We all understand the joy taking a long awaited piss, but moaning in ecstasy as if you’re being blown by a hooker is just too much. It doesn’t end there either! He’s gotta shake and shiver like he’s Meg Ryan faking an orgasm. (Image from Stock Photo Pro)


5. The Talker
I’m an adult now and have no problem talking to strangers about the weather, sports or even the bartenders t*ts. I just have one request, let me put my junk away first. Talking with it out makes me feel like the old guys at the gym who just loiter naked in the locker room. (Image from Stock Photo Pro)


6. The Joker
This is the guy who always says “This must be where all the dicks hang out.” He might also challenge you to a sword fight. Hey buddy, it wasn’t funny the first seven times I took a piss tonight, and it ain’t funny now! (Image from Getty Images)


7. The Game Player
Maybe this guy is trying to melt the ice, or maybe he’s just spelling his name. Whatever he’s doing, he’s having way too much fun. No one should be having a good time in the men’s room unless they’re in a Turkish prison. (Image from Getty Images)


8. The Really Good Dad
I’d say that age six is the cut off for bringing your daughter into the men’s room. If she’s any older than that, it gets a little weird. If she’s above the recommended ages for Hungry Hungry Hippos, then she’s to old to pee with her Daddy. (Image from Getty Images)


9. The Read Aloud Guy
This guy has to read the urinal advertisement aloud so everyone in the bathroom can hear. It’s like he works for that company or something. Hey pal, I’ve got my own thoughts running through my head, and your little commercial is interrupting them. (Image from Stock Photo Pro)


10. Mr. Long Distance
This is the guy who stands a little too far from the urinal. I don’t know what this guy is trying to prove. Perhaps he wants people to know he has great bladder pressure. All I know is that he can’t hold that stream forever, and when it dies down there’s going to be piss all over the damn floor. (Image from Delta Spark)


11. The Wall Hugger
This is a man who is so terrified that someone might see his wiener that he stands close enough that his body is actually touching the urinal. Gross. (Image from Stock Photo Pro)


12. Mr. Wide Stance
This is not “Bloodsport,” and you are not Jean-Claude Van Damme! Stand up straight, and make some room for other people. (Image from Kcconfidential.com)


13. Mr. Stage Fright
Just find your happy place, and let it go. Your stage fright makes the rest us feel guilty about pissing. (Image from New File Front)


14. The Really Tall Guy
Anyone over 6′2″ should be using the stall. Tall guys make short guys like me feel like there’s a spy satellite hovering over my head. (Image from Getty Images)


15. The Crowder
There’s a whole row of open urinals, but for some reason this guy wants the one right next to you. Who knows, maybe that one is lucky. (Image from Dark Creek)